When you leave your throne

You have been the person others turned to.

The one who knew the business, the people and the history behind the decisions. The one who knew whom to speak to, which paths worked and what had already been tried. You built your position over many years and grew into the role of the person who leads.

Perhaps you have joked about being the king or queen of your own little kingdom. There were days when it felt exactly like that. And other days when you would have happily handed over both the crown and all the unsolved problems to someone else, just to drink your coffee while it was still hot.

Then an opportunity for a new role comes along. You say yes. It feels exciting, perhaps also like a natural next step.

You leave your throne and join a new leadership team. Around the table are other experienced leaders who are also used to knowing, deciding and making things happen. You are still a leader, still experienced and still responsible for your area. But in this room, you are one of several.

When the familiar no longer feels so familiar

At first, you may not quite be able to put your finger on what feels different.

You have been welcomed. Your new colleagues are capable and the role is interesting. On paper, there isn’t really much to complain about.

But in meetings you notice that you no longer have the same overview. Others know things you haven’t yet learned. Someone suggests a solution you hadn’t considered. Your suggestion receives a polite thank you, but the conversation moves on and the group chooses another direction.

You may not say much at the time. Afterwards, though, the thoughts come.

Did they really listen to me? Did they see what I was trying to contribute?

And underneath them, perhaps a question that is harder to admit:

Do I really belong here?

Having felt secure in your role only recently, you may suddenly begin to doubt what you have to offer. Not necessarily because anyone has told you that you aren’t good enough, but because you don’t yet know where you stand.

What did I leave behind?

When we talk about leaving a role, we often talk about the work, the responsibility or the people. Those things are easy to describe. Sometimes, though, we leave something behind that is harder to put into words.

Perhaps you miss knowing that you made a difference. Feeling needed. Having people come to you, not just because of your title, but because you had earned their trust.

Perhaps you miss being in a place where you felt secure without having to spend so much time wondering how you were perceived. Where you knew when to listen, when to challenge and when you needed to make the decision yourself.

And then the question may arrive, perhaps on the way home after another meeting where you didn’t quite find your way in:

Did I make a mistake by leaving?

It is a difficult thought, especially if you chose to go. You wanted to move forward, to grow and take on something new. Shouldn’t you be happy now?

Perhaps. But you can also miss what you had. A new role can be right for you and still involve a loss.

Has my ego taken a knock?

It is easy to judge yourself when these thoughts appear. Especially if you notice yourself comparing your experience with that of your new colleagues or feeling irritated when someone else gets recognition for an idea you might have come up with yourself.

So, is this my ego talking?

Perhaps. It can feel unfamiliar not to be the person who is expected to have the answer. That unfamiliarity can feel like a loss of both influence and significance.

But before you decide that you simply have an oversized ego, pause for a moment. You have also left a place where you knew you belonged. It takes time to build that sense of security again.

Perhaps your pride has been hurt. Perhaps you are grieving what you left behind. Perhaps you are afraid you made the wrong decision. Or perhaps it is a mixture of all of them, depending on which day you ask.

It isn’t always easy to sort through those thoughts on your own, especially if you also think you should have moved on by now.

Finding your footing again

When something feels uncomfortable, we often want to fix it quickly. Read more, prepare better, take up a little more space at the next meeting or perhaps withdraw until we feel more secure.

Sometimes it helps to begin by understanding what it is you are trying to solve.

Think back to a situation that has stayed with you. Perhaps the meeting where your suggestion went unnoticed, or the conversation you left feeling that someone else knew more than you did.

What happened? What did you feel? And what was it about that particular situation that touched a nerve?

Perhaps you discover that you miss your old role more than you first wanted to admit. Perhaps you become aware of how much of your confidence came from knowing the answers. Or perhaps you notice something in your new leadership team that you genuinely need to talk to someone about.

That insight won’t necessarily give you all the answers. But it may help you understand what you need to find a new way to stand firmly and contribute.

It takes time to build a sense of belonging. In the meantime, the old and the new can sit alongside each other: pride in what you have left behind, sadness at no longer being there, and curiosity about who you might become in your new surroundings.

And the crown? You don’t need to throw it away. You can let it rest there for a while as you consider who you are when you aren’t wearing it.

Read also: When you know it’s time to leave