When you know it’s time to leave, but can’t say anything yet

You know you’re leaving.

Perhaps the decision has already been made. Perhaps you were part of the conversations that led to it. Or perhaps the news came as a surprise.

Either way, you now go to work knowing something you can’t yet share. There is a plan for when and how the change will be communicated, and until then, you are expected to carry on as usual.

You meet with your team. You talk about the next quarter, the next project and everything you have ahead of you. Someone comes up with an idea you know you probably won’t be there to see through. Someone else asks a question about the future.

You answer as best you can. Keep a straight face. Choose your words carefully.

These are people who have worked hard alongside you. People who have been loyal, taken responsibility and helped build what you have today. And right now, you can’t tell them what you know.

Carrying two realities at once

I think that in-between period can be one of the hardest parts of a change. The time between finding out yourself and being able to tell others.

On the outside, everyday life continues. On the inside, you are trying to understand what is happening, what it means for you and how to approach whatever comes next. At the same time, you want to do right by the people around you.

You may understand why the information can’t be shared yet. Other decisions might need to be made first, people may need to be informed in a certain order, or there may still be questions without answers. But understanding the reasons doesn’t necessarily make the situation easier to carry.

Especially when it involves something you have put so much of yourself into.

When someone else takes over

You have built something. Not on your own, of course, but you have been there through the difficult periods, made the decisions and kept going when things got tough. You have invested time, energy and perhaps a little piece of your soul in making it work.

And now, just as you are beginning to see the results, someone else will take over.

It’s only natural that questions arise. Why can’t I stay? Is the person coming in really so much better? Didn’t they see what I contributed?

Those thoughts can be difficult to say out loud. They may not fit the picture of how an experienced leader is expected to react. Especially if you are also expected to welcome your successor and help make the handover a good one.

But the thoughts are there. Alongside the pride you feel in what you have achieved together, there may be disappointment, anger and bitterness. Perhaps also a feeling of being overlooked.

Letting go before you can move on

It’s easy for others to tell you to look ahead. To say that something new and exciting will come along. Perhaps it will. But right now, you may still be trying to make sense of what you are leaving behind.

Some people begin to wonder whether they want to stay with the company at all. If this is how they thank me, why would I?

Sometimes that is a question worth taking seriously. Sometimes it comes from the disappointment of the moment. Before making a decision that affects your future, it may help to give yourself time to understand what you are feeling and why.

What hurts the most? Is it leaving the people and the work behind? Not being there to see the results? The fact that someone else made the decision? Or does the change raise questions about your own value and how others see you?

There are no simple answers. But as you begin to understand what lies behind the feeling, it may become easier to separate the decision itself from the story you are telling yourself about what it means.

Someone else taking over doesn’t necessarily mean your work wasn’t valued. But you can still feel disappointed that you have to leave now.

In the middle of the jump

I sometimes think of it as jumping from one place to another.

You have left the place where you were standing, but you haven’t yet landed on the next one. Somewhere in mid-air, there is no solid ground beneath you and nothing to push against. And perhaps that’s exactly when someone cheerfully asks whether you’re excited about all the new opportunities.

Maybe not. You might be rather busy wondering why you had to jump in the first place.

Along the way, you may find yourself thinking it can’t really be happening. Feeling angry about how it was handled. Feeling threatened by what the change might mean for you and your future. And grieving what you are leaving behind: the people, the work and everything you still wanted to do.

These feelings don’t necessarily arrive in a neat order. Some days you might see the possibilities. The next day, an email, a comment or a meeting makes you angry all over again. That doesn’t mean you’re back where you started. It may simply mean you are still making sense of what has happened.

For me, acceptance doesn’t mean thinking the decision was a good one or smiling gratefully in the face of change. It means gradually being able to see the situation as it is, understand what it has stirred up and find a way to respond.

And no, that doesn’t have to happen by Friday just because the new organisation takes effect on Monday.

Sometimes you need to spend a little time in the middle of the jump. To talk to someone, sort through what you’re feeling and make room for both the disappointment and the pride in what you are leaving behind. From there, curiosity about what comes next may gradually begin to return.

A moment in the yellow

Think of a time when something came to an end and you later discovered that you missed a different part of it than you had first expected.

Perhaps it wasn’t the role itself, but the people, the sense of belonging or the feeling of being needed. What did that realisation bring up for you? And what might it tell you about what you want to make room for next?